I've been away from blogging for a little bit now, completely not out of choice. In December I got engaged and from then on, as a couple, we began to plan an engagement party. In January we booked the venue and started to pick up decorations, invite guests and look for outfits. We thought we had everything planned out perfectly until it came to looking at dresses for me. My anxiety got worse and I tried on over 22 dresses in the end before I found the right one. So right when I'm in the middle of looking at dresses, a house popped up on Rightmove and we went to view it.

We had been saving for a house since January 2017, after using a lot of money for 'spends' in Los Angeles the year earlier. With that and closing our student overdrafts, it took a while before we were able to put money in per month to really begin the house savings. We had been on and off for a while about whether to get a new build or to go with an older house with more land and character, and both of these options obviously raised questions regarding money. If you choose a new build, you only need a 5% deposit, can save with a Help To Buy ISA which will be topped up and can have an equity loan for 20% of the costs. On the flip side, for an older house, you generally need 10% or more for a deposit, which when buying a house really makes you weigh up the immediate benefits of which type of house is better.

Anyway, at the beginning of April this house popped up on Rightmove and we went for a viewing and this strange maternal feeling came over me, and I was thinking about how lovely it would be to bring a child up in it. I wasn't expecting that kind of feeling at all. We put an offer in and left it at that for a few days. So with party planning and putting an offer in, we had our 5 year anniversary, which was spent being stressed and trying to sort things for the party out and wondering whether we would get accepted for the house. We ended up putting in a higher offer and on the 14th April it was accepted, and almost immediately the estate agents wanted us to tell them which solicitors and bank we would be using which was overwhelming giving that it was the first time buying a house. The week following from this was spent trying to organise our life and still look forward to celebrating at our engagement party. The 21st April arrived and we began celebrating but anxiety set in and about halfway through I had a bit of a panic attack. People intervened before it got too bad and I'm really thankful for that. I'm glad we had a party but to be honest the timing was all wrong (even though we had no idea about looking for a house now when we booked the venue in January). 

I'm only just getting to write this now as it took me a few days to 'recover' from my anxiety flaring up like that. I'm starting to feel a bit better and I know I've got some posts overdue but I promise that this week I am going to post again. It didn't help that people were asking at the party whether we'd decided who everyone in the wedding party was going to be, if we had set a date yet and asking what kind of wedding we wanted. Genuinely lovely questions but the timing was just so wrong. I've needed a bit of self-care before I throw myself into blogging and sorting other things out. I don't tend to write life updates but things have built up and I've been so silent about the matters that even writing a piece has been a little therapeutic. I'm hoping to begin writing about the house process, making wishlists and posting more regular updates as soon as possible.